Vasa Previa: One Year Later

This week marks the one year anniversary of the official diagnosis of things going awry in my uterus. Looking back I wouldn't have reacted any differently. I am still very much of the mindset that doctors are paid to worry. I was just there to grow a Ninja and make my before weight shoot up. It was for the baby...honest (mows down more cupcakes).

One year.

So much has changed.

"Well, duh, you totally had a baby!" You reply.

But it's not having the baby that changed things so much as finding that things needed to change. We are on time more often now. Leaving the house is something that requires more planning, which, as it turns out, we needed. Before, we would leave in a hurry and I would inevitably forget my wallet (much to Wade's chagrin). Now I have to schedule feedings around our habit of eating out a few times a week. No one wants my fussy kid interrupting their meal or my baby fuel tanks out on display in the middle of the Keg. I can hear the breast feeding feminists gnashing their teeth. I don't care. I'm more comfortable being modest (I know, shocker) and she's OK being under the cover. Deal with it. Having a diaper bag, which I treat like an EMS jump kit, helps with remembering my important things [Read: Wallet]. Wade doesn't see the big cow eyes and hear "I'm a kept woman?" Blink. Blink.

I can solidly say that I am parenting the way that I had envisioned. I know what makes my baby fussy (hunger, moistness and fatigue). I mitigate that but don't keep a rigid schedule. She sleeps like a champ. Sometimes she isn't happy that I am abandoning her in her crib for naps or the night. Sometimes I have to give her an extra cuddle or two. I haven't seen the terrible behaviours that those who have gone before me have warned me about. Being 6 weeks behind has its advantages. We haven't gone through teething yet. No mischief with getting into things due to her slow progress at mobility. She has started clapping and pointing. The pointing was creepy for the first time since I had never seen her do it. I was in the kitchen (she was in her chair) and turned around expecting someone behind me. No one was there. Just me. Creepy.

I didn't think I would savour my time with her. But I am. I may let her fall asleep on me just to watch her breathing. Even before she was born I was savouring that time. Not working since last May has slowed life to a delicious crawl. The lack of guilt of returning to a job that I would despise for interrupting that time, has been refreshing. Instead, I am looking forward to re-entering the hallowed halls of learning. I know now that my true passion is, and always has been, healthcare. What that will look like in 5-10 years, is unclear. But I know that being a stay at home mom is not what is going to keep me completely happy. It's not that I don't want to continue savouring this time alone with her. It's that I know that in order to be a good mom, I have to be happy. I have learned that the time I will have with her, when my new career is in full swing, is sacred.

There has been nothing totally shocking about the past year. You just do what you have to do. Even if it means dealing with bodily fluids that aren't mine. Being able to take a step back or a time out when the old patience are running thin, is a gift. Everyone should try it. And the naps! Oh how I love my naps.

But best of all, I have seen my Ninja go from an endangered fetus to a healthy baby in due course. The struggles seemed insurmountable to those on the outside looking in. But we made it look easy because that's how we roll.