Extort the Extortionist

            Last week we thought that we had turned the corner on the pooping thing. Not so, but that’s another matter.

            Instead, prior to World War III: Apoocalypse Edition, I had decided that it was about time that I start distributing my absurdly extensive collection of My Little Pony (MLP), (circa 1983 through 1988) in order to keep little miss making deposits on the potty. This would take place over the course of several weeks, where a new pony is released once a week. She has been watching the newest iteration of MLP. Side note: that show has gone to a very VERY dark place comparatively speaking to generation one.

Motivated by perhaps finding the most valuable of the toilet training currencies, I went poking around my storage room where the collection has been safely tucked away for several years. I’ll spare you the embarrassing details of what I would imagine is an E-Bay goldmine of plastic from Hong Kong. When I finally located the box in question, after a few minutes of frantic searching, and I pulled out her favourite generation one version of Applejack. I also found another box of fabric. Bonus!

I tucked Applejack in the box of fabric and emerged from our rather full storage room. (Someone needs to have a garage sale). I carried the box across to the sewing room/office and left the box of fabric with the others. I may have a sewing problem involving not enough time and too many ideas.

She had been upstairs and did not see me enter the storage room but had seen me emerge. She paid me zero attention because she was hanging with daddy and the TV was on. I quietly walked into the ruin of a TV room, stepping over a minefield of toys that are meant to maim and cripple. She was tucked under a blanket fully engrossed in whatever was on.

“Addy,” I said, hiding Applejack behind my back.

Eyes glued to the TV, she replied as though in a trance, “what mama?”

“I am very proud of you for pooping on the potty and think maybe it’s time that I give you something very special.”

Immediate. Full. Undivided. Attention.

“Which is your favourite My Little Pony?”

“Rainbow Dash!”

Fuck sakes.

“Who else?”

“Pinkie Pie!”

Sigh.

“Um no, who else?”

“Applejack!” Third time was a charm. I pulled Applejack out from behind my back and passed her down into little awaiting hands. Was that a tremble I detected? I was starting to internally gloat about the awesomeness of the surprise, because I love causing surprises. She was transfixed by the little orange bodied, yellow haired pony with apples on its ass. But then a torrent of questions started to form and she could barely get them out of her mouth fast enough. It was like her brain had a short.

“But where did you buy her, where was this, did you make it, are there more, where did you find it, I LOVE APPLEJACK.”

“This is a very old pony that I got when I was about your age. She is very old and that means that she cannot leave the house. She is not to go to Angel-a’s house. OK?”

“OK, Mommy,” she paused and then more questions tumbled out of her mouth in fragments. This continued right up until bedtime and Applejack took her esteemed place with the other revered toys in bed with my very grateful child.

“Thank you for giving me Applejack,” she said, clutching the pony to her chest. I would say she was rubbing her eyes and yawning, but I am positive that she has a stash of caffeine that she eats right before we need her to sleep.

“You’re welcome sweetie.”

The next day, she shit in her pants. Twice. Applejack spent the following twenty-four hours with an amazing view of the kitchen from the top of the fridge.

I giveth and I will taketh away.

Wade has reported that she has started to look for the other ponies. This is how children develop their keen sense of über-snoopiness. I can only hope that she doesn’t clue in to where the collection resides.

We are currently T-Two Sleeps until she earns another pony.