Sunday, June 24, 2018

How to Clean a Bathroom in Twenty Easy Steps


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Materials needed:
1 child, preferably under five years old with limited coordination
1 bathroom with running water
1 hand soap dispenser, full of soap
1 hand towel
1 stool
1 improvised tap lengthener (old cut up body wash bottle)

            1. Instruct child to go wash hands. Do not accompany child.
            2. Allow child to close door; privacy is of the upmost concern for the child and their                 hand washing habits.
            3. Become suspicious of child’s hand washing performance after listening to water                    run continuously for 5 minutes.
            4. Yell (in order to be heard over the closed door and tap) to shut off the water.
            5. Yell until voice breaks and the elderly voice is firmly established due to strained                      vocal cords.
            6. Pull self away from the task that seemed more important than supervising a child                   washing their hands.
            7. Open door.
            8. Pick lock.
            9. Open door.
            10. Gently push stool and child away from the door while asking in newly formed                          raspy voice what they are doing.
            11. Step in puddle.
            12. Discover child had not put improvised tap lengthener on tap.
            13. Gaze around bathroom. Note water on wall across the bathroom.
            14. Remain calm.
            15. Rinse child’s hands, which contain most of the freshly filled soap dispenser.
            16. Dry off child’s hands. Discover towel has been placed in the sink with water at                        some point.
            17. Retrieve fresh towel.
            18. Dry off child’s hands and send to another part of the house.
            19. Sigh.
            20. Dry off every surface in the bathroom. Note that aside from the toilet bowl, the                     bathroom is now clean.

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