Having been placed in the triage room, I had the opportunity to go awkwardly to the washroom with assistance. Not in my bed on a bedpan, thankfully. Once comfortable again, I relaxed into my new surroundings. The nurse looking after me half expected with my duration in Antepartum that I should be able to hook up the fetal monitor. I hadn't been so bold and she had to instruct me on how to do it. The ninja continued to thrive.
The first doctor to visit me was the surgeon who would be performing the c section. She put my chances of having a baby that day at 70%. She explained the risks of the c section and went off to do whatever it is surgeons do. Perhaps strut and drink coffee that has been passed through a weasel.
Wade arrived in the grand style of a man who had packed the entire house into 2 small bags. He was fairly calm considering the summons that I had put to him an hour earlier. He thought for sure that he would never make it to the birth of our little Ninja. But he did. The nurse provided him with a smashing outfit. A gown, hair cap and booties. He looked like an escaped mental patient moonlighting as a mime mover. He had achieved this look by strapping on the cap buret style.
I continued to be monitored and thoroughly entertained. Then something happened that I had not felt for several months; a cramp. It was so crampy that a mountain peak showed on the fetal monitor. Then another. The surgeon returned and informed me that I had moved from 70% to 100% and preparations would start right away.
The anesthesiologist resident was the next doctor type to visit me. She came equipped to ask all the right questions and to determine that she was not familiar with the IV catheters in L&D. I should add that I already had an IV running in my right arm. This fresh young face of tomorrow's medicine was looking to start one in my left wrist. One that would carry blood products if the need should arise. One that is of a gauge, which requires freezing before it is delicately poked through my skin and gently glided into my vein. She did a bang up job with the freezing. Lidocaine was our mutual friend. Then she awkwardly attempted to start the IV with the unfamiliar equipment. She missed. She removed it and applied a lot of pressure, which resulted in an epic bruise. She taped the gauze she had been attempting to press into my radius. All the while talking about the catheters she is familiar with.
The anesthesiologist came in and explained the procedure of a spinal. He was cut a bit short by the news that I have relapsing remitting MS with spinal cord involvement. He changed directions from a spinal to either an epidural or general anesthetic. He would confer with his colleagues. I suggested contacting my neurologist who happened to be in the building. He politely declined. Then noticed the lack of IV in my left arm and the sheepish look on the resident's face. He strode over and took control of the situation. Right into the back of my right hand. First he froze the location and without waiting, slammed the IV expertly into position. I protested loudly by explaining that freezing without actually freezing is false advertising. There was laughter (at my expense) and he went out to confer with his colleagues.
The surgeon returned with the waiver about the surgery. It stated that she had done her job and please don't sue me if anything bad happens. Then the anesthesiologist was back. He said that he would go ahead with an epidural since spinals were known to aggravate MS symptoms. He won me over with that decision. My surgical nurse came in and introduced herself and assisted me across the hall, into the first OR I had set foot in since my hospital practicum 11 years ago. Wade was left in a tiny alcove in the hallway until they were ready for him to join the fun.
The first thing they did after hooking me back up to the fetal monitor (the ninja was still in there, happy as a clam. A deadly ninja clam) was to get me started on the epidural since it would take 20 minutes to take effect. He actually froze my back (I asked "for reals this time?" And he replied by injecting a lot of freezing). He inserted the catheter and started to run drugs in. They laid me down and inserted the other kind catheter. You know, the one you wished you had at a good movie, after the extra large soft drink. Then they started to paint my belly.
Wade was brought in around this time. He looked like a medical tourist. What with his gown and DSLR camera. I showed him the setting on the camera to capture the moment without having to do anything more than point and shoot. The nurse asked if I wanted a private room in postpartum. I said yes, but what I really meant was HELL YES!
The anesthesiologist kept touching me with a bag of ice. Once I confirmed that I was frozen they commenced with Operation Ninja Extraction. It was the weirdest sensation I have had. I could feel vibrations as they cut me. Then they said they were at the uterus. When they cut into the uterus, they discovered that the Ninja was breech. So they stopped and contemplated how to best extract her. Once they had a plan, they commenced. This caused me to make faces that Wade found odd. I had a great pressure on my chest and then she was out. Wade was invited over to where the Ninja was being worked on. She was navy blue and after a bunch of suctioning let out her first cries.
They let Wade come and show me pictures of the little lady who caused so much commotion. Then they were all gone. She was taken to the NICU and Wade went with her. I was stitched and stapled back together and my surgeon was kind enough to show me pictures of the placenta and membranes. As I had seen so many times on ultrasound, there were the vein and artery that caused my stay in Antepartum.
Wade returned with more pictures. I was in recovery for a few hours while I waited for my private room. The freezing slowly came out of my legs. I was fascinated by how similar to an elephant leg my legs felt. Almost as if someone had secretly switched my normal legs out for elephant ones. Then, ever so slowly, I could move them. I felt like Uma Therman in Kill Bill Volume 1. Without the yellow Pussy Wagon.
Once I was done in recovery, they wheeled my stretcher into the NICU and I touched my little Ninja for the first time, on the outside.
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