Stampede is a
great opportunity for the city kids to go and learn about farm animals. They
get to experience the sights and smells of the non-zoo animals and see them at
work. Our experience has always been great. No questions have been historically
asked that were outside of our scope as parents of a soon to be first
grader. Until Monday.
Our
animal experience occurred in the Budweiser Heavy Hitch tent. The Clydesdales
were in their pens relaxing with hay or just generally dozing. They had a space
separating curious hands from the pens lest someone urk a horse and get bit. I
was lamenting how much I would love to pet the horses, but was happy to just
stand back and admire them.
I
should add that I was at the Stampede with my brother-from-another-mother and
his wife and kids. His mom and dad (whom I regard as my own) were there too.
The girls were in a chuckwagon (after an unfortunate post spinning ride
vomiting incident) which offered shade and a way to not have to walk everywhere.
There was a rope
preventing little hands from touching the horses. I lamented that I would love
to pet them but stood back and admired them from a respectable distance. As I
was mesmerized by the big brown eyes of a gentle giant named Al, I heard
"mama, what's that pink thing?" My gaze lazily drifted from the
hypnotic eyes toward the abdomen and a bit further back. There, hanging down,
was the largest rogue boner I have seen outside of the zoo.
"I think there's an
attraction," my friend's mom said as she nudged me in the ribs. A grin had
consumed her entire face and she was barely able to contain her mirth. I looked
over at the girls who were pointing and staring at what Al had on offer.
"I'm not
ready to have this conversation," my friend's wife laughed, uncomfortably.
The questions came in rapid succession. All from her daughter, while mine
giggled. "Is that a boy? What is that? Is that where his pee comes
from?" My friend's wife looked like she was taking a bullet with
successive question.
Being the science
student in the group, I decided to break the charged humour of the adults and
answer so no one else would have to. "Yep," I said with some
authority. Then I added at low mumble "and what a boy." The stranger
next to me choke coughed and walked away slowly, avoiding eye contact. My
friend's wife steered our chuckwagon out of the tent and back into the chaos of
the kid's midway. We managed to avoid anatomical names or any further
discussion.
I looked back at
Al, he gazed back. His work here was done and he neatly stowed away the object
of our attention. I could've sworn that he winked. I turned to Wade and took
his hand. As we walked back out to the midway I muttered something along the
lines of "and that's how unrealistic expectations are
made."
Later the
Budweiser Heavy Hitch made an appearance at the evening show. "DO YOU
THINK AL IS DOWN THERE?" The girls were pointing and standing. All of the
"adults" laughed a little too hard while quietly reflecting on the
events of the earlier afternoon.
After the
fireworks, we were walking from the train station to the car and our little
cherub piped up with, a confident authority, "was that the horse's
penis?"
"Yep, that
was it," replied Wade. I smiled and silently hoped that she didn't expect
human men to be as well endowed. Nothing more has been said on the
subject.